Trust your gut


image I was working on my sock last night. I have done the heel flap and am working on the gusset.  That’s where you pick up stitches and turn the direction of your knitting, making a cute little ridge.  But after knitting oh, like twenty rows, I discovered that I have a hole in my gusset.  The horror!  I know I can rip it back and fix the problem, but I don’t have the skill level for ripping out that much and not dropping a stitch.  So, I have decided to do what I always do and play the Miss Scarlet (you know, from Gone With the Wind)…..I’ll think about that another day.  Seems like doing that is a life long pattern of mine and it doesn’t always work out that well.  For example:

Shortly after I got divorced at 35, I met a man.  Turns out I met a creep, but I digress.  I met him at work in the smoking area.  Nasty habit but that was the place to be to learn all the corporate gossip.  Anyway, he was a contractor and we struck up a relationship.  We went out several times, he met my boys, and I was infatuated.  It was nice to have someone pay attention to me after being dumped for a woman 10 years my junior.  I thought he was a really nice guy.

One Saturday we were supposed to go to a friends party.  I waited for him to come and get me, and I waited and waited.  I called every second for about 3 hours and then I gave up.  I told myself that something must really be wrong if he couldn’t call.  When he did get in touch with me there was a story about how his car broke down out in the country and he couldn’t get to a phone etc…I really wanted to believe him, but something in the back of my head wasn’t really buying it.  But I pushed it down and we continued dating like nothing had happened.  Turns out, this disappearing act was not an isolated instance.  But still, even though my friends and gut were telling me dump this guy, I stuck with it.  Poor self esteem will make you do stupid things.

Before I knew it, he had taken up residence in my house, pretended to go to work daily, and turned my life inside out.  I came home early one day and found him doing something on the new computer I had just got.  I didn’t know anything about the internet at that time so I couldn’t figure out what was going on.  I told him I wanted him to leave. He said he would, he never did.  Finally, I had had enough and called a lawyer who said I had to give him written notice of eviction with 30 days to leave.  I did so.  He did so.  However, on the day he left, he evidently stole my gas credit card.  Ok, I called the company, reported it stolen, gave them his name and let them duke it out.

Boy was I in for a surprise.  About two weeks later, I got a phone bill for $34,000!  Holy shmoly.  Turns out he was looking at porn etc on the internet.  (Those were the days when they charged your phone)  Again to the lawyer I went.  After several letters, the phone company dropped the charges and the lawyer set out to sue the guy.  Big surprise, I didn’t know his real name.  He had changed my cable account so that he could watch porn and several other unsavory things hit me over time.  What ever possessed me to ignore my gut.  I kept thinking that I was wrong and if there was something squirrely I could fix it later.

Later was a disaster that could have ruined me financially for life.  I made a good living, but not that good.  Thank goodness for my parents.  They came to my rescue and this time there wasn’t any I told you so etc.  They were all about helping me repair a terrible situation and move on.  I do have to say, it took me a really long time to trust anyone again.  And even 20 years later, I still have trust issues.

This is a much abbreviated rendition of what happened.  The “relationship” I had with this man negatively impacted every aspect of my life; from my interaction with my friends and family to my children.  Even my ex husband was effected by this situation.  I don’t really understand how someone could be so callus as to take advantage of someone else.  I hope Karma really is the Bitch I think she is and has rained her wrath on this man.  mvb