Camping Weekend

imageI had knee surgery in December.  It was not as successful as I had hoped.  Evidently I do not have any cartilage left in my right knee.  I am a candidate for knee replacement, but the Doctor, in his infinite wisdom, wants me to wait.  The replacement only has a thirty year shelf life and he doesn’t want me to have to have it replaced a second time.  Come on!  By then I will be 87 years old; who cares if my knee works at that age.

My biggest fear is that I will not be able to ride my horses for more than a few minutes at a time.  I have spent lots of time on the ground teaching Cisco to drop me off at the mounting block and to stand quietly while I get everything situated.  I’ve lengthened my stirrups to relieve some of the pressure.  Other than an hour or so around the house, I haven’t done much.  I believe in the old adage, what you don’t know doesn’t exist!

This past Friday I loaded my trusty steed and headed out for a weekend of camping with horses and friends.  I thought “Ok, if it hurts, I’ll just stay at the camp and that’s ok”.  Well, let me tell you, it was the MOST wonderful weekend imaginable.  Sure my knee hurt after two hours in the saddle, but then again, so did my butt!  We logged a total of ten hours on the trails.  Which is approximately 20 miles.  I can’t move today, but I also can’t get the smile off my face.image

My new trailer is great!  I sleep in the goose-neck and live in the dressing room.  We have it down pat and set up quite the site.  My hubby decided he would “cater” my food and packed me the most wonderful cooler imaginable.  Who else gets to dine on crab cakes, stone crab claws and cold baked spaghetti.  He even packed me a pancake wrap of peanut butter and bananas.  Each container was neatly labeled with which meal it was.  I even had happy hour containers!  It is difficult to stay mad at that man.  My peeps want to hire him for their meals as well.image

Cisco was great.  He and I do not have a smooth history on the trails.  We both grew up in the English Ring, going around and around.  Nothing to jump out at you when you do that.  This weekend he discovered that playing in a stream is much more fun than shying away from the mud.  He moved some trees, earning the name Dozier.  (I still have leaves and branches in my saddle) and he walked quietly no matter where he was in the conga line.  He does not like grapes.image

All in all a wonderful and restorative weekend.  I am so excited about the next trip!

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Ticking Time Bomb!

I am a 57(gosh weeks from 58) year old woman.  I am accomplished.  I have run a 30 million dollar business, I have raised two boys on my own.  I ride horses which means I can control 1,000 pounds of living breathing animal.  So why, why is it so hard for me to tell the people I love what is on my mind!  Lets see….

I loved my mother.  She died two years ago.  I miss her, but not the gut wrenching loss I feel for my sister.  But that is besides the point.  The point is, that whenever I disagreed with her; tried to assert my independence; express a difference of opinion, she would stop talking to me.  Ouch!  I don’t mean just short sentences with attitude, I mean totally not talking.  Once when I was home from college, we had a tiff over my wearing jeans when her bridge game was going on at our house.  I guess I didn’t look nice enough.  Anyway, I wouldn’t change, and left the house to go on my date.  We didn’t yell, no slamming doors.  So imagine my surprise when I got home to total silence.  I mean so silent that when I left in the morning to go on a trip, she would not even say good-by.  As a matter of fact, when I returned, she didn’t say hello either.  Ruined my first adult trip out of the country.  For 10 days I obsessed about what would happen when I got home.  Talk about withholding love.  I don’t think I ever asserted myself with her after that.  I was all mom, all the time.  What ever you say Mom!

Based on my childhood issue with speaking my mind, I find it hard to tell my loved ones how I feel.  I am afraid of them walking out of my life.  But, this week I had to speak up to two of the three most important people in my life…my son and my husband.  DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!  On both fronts, things had been brewing a while and probably should have been talked about earlier, but gee, I was chicken.  So when things brew, they build, and build, and BUILD.  Potential for disaster.

I decided Monday, that the time had come to let it all out.  On both fronts.  I pulled up my big girl panties and made the call to my son.  He answered (big surprise), we exchanged pleasantries and then I told him what was on my mind.  He got his back up at first; I could hear it in his voice.  I got a very quick “well I said I was sorry”.  I explained that we shouldn’t even get to sorry; the incident should not have happened; that he hurt my feelings.  The conversation ended on a good note; talk of getting together for my birthday. Wow, that was so hard for me.  I love that boy more than life and would be devastated if he walked away.  But it didn’t happen, the world didn’t explode.

Hubby was just as hard.  On the upside we are working to solve an issue.  If I had just continued to stew, I doubt that we would have much of a future.  But now that the problems are out, we are on the same page and will try to solve them.  At least it feels better to have a partner instead of an adversary.    And the thing was, he had no clue how I felt.  Talking…imagine that!

mvb

 

Emmy

Into our lives you crawled.

We didn’t know you, yet you touched a chord,

Like a softly strummed guitar tune, playing on a loop.

We danced, we sang, we loved, we cuddled.

You left, and now, there is a hole where your smile should be.

Till the next time.

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