As I am sure you could tell from yesterday’s rant, I am still carrying a lot of baggage about my failed marriage. I think what has bothered me most over the years is that I thought it was my fault. That he had an affair with a woman 10 years my junior because of something I was, or was not, doing. My granddaughter coming east and being the center of a visit struggle just brought up all kinds of anger.
This morning I was vacuuming and having a conversation with him in my head. Come on, admit it, I am not the only one that does that! Anyway, through this very one-sided conversation, I came to the realization that it wasn’t my issue. In fact, I remembered that he cheated on the woman he left me for. Hum, seems like a pattern. He lost his job because he fooled around with a married woman. Seems like he has the problem not me.
It is time for me to let all that anger and hatred go. He wasn’t the person I thought he was and he definitely isn’t someone I would be friends with now. AND, he is a rotten father. I don’t know why I feel threatened by him any more. As the Frozen song goes….”let it go, let it go!” (I’ve listened to that song often this week, it has also become our potty training anthem.)
I saw this on Facebook this morning, and as much as I hate to quote anything from Facebook, it struck a chord:
“If you don’t leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer and not what yesterday has taken away.”
I need to make a poster of that and put it in my bathroom. I have many things that I need to let go. One at a time, one at a time…….mvb