March Madness

March is a very special month for me.  My dad was born, and passed away, in March.  But more significantly, both of my sons were born in March.  My youngest was born today, 27 years ago.  He was my little leprechaun.  My happy blond haired, blue eyed munchkin.  Who in fact is half Irish.  IMG_0347

I adore my boys.  I think every mother has a special relationship with their sons.  My eldest son has a birthday ten days from now.  So I’ll probably discuss him later in the month.  But my baby, well the youngest holds a special spot.  And interestingly enough, it is a very different relationship than I have with his brother.

Baby boy was born towards the end of my marriage.  He was NOT a last ditch effort to save a failing relationship.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t realize I had a failing relationship.  Maybe that was part of the problem.  If I did, I probably would have been more careful.  No, I was keeping to the two child schedule we had discussed.  Baby boy came right on time.  Almost exactly four year (minus 10 days) younger than his brother.  I was beyond happy when he came to me.  He was a bundle of blond chubbiness.  And he stole my heart right away.

From the very beginning, he only wanted me.  My older son was the light of the family.  My husband was the proudest father that ever walked the earth and my parents.  Oh my parents thought he was the Messiah.  He was the first boy and the first grandchild in the family.  So baby boy had a little competition.  But he didn’t care, he had mom.  Unfortunately his happy life was interrupted by my unhappy marriage.

I was trying to decide if working was worth all the day care expense we were paying.  It was then that I realized that we could make it on one salary.  Hubby and I were making about the same at the time.  Hum, I really could live on my salary, even with all the day care.  About the same time, I noticed that hubs was gone an awful lot and there were really strange things happening.  There would be phone calls that would disconnect when I answered, hubs would be at work, but not available when I tried to reach him.  And then my car got keyed when I was at work.  Separately they didn’t seem like much but when I realized that they may be related, it dawned on me that he was having an affair.

When we broke up baby boy was not yet three.  There I was with two young children, a full time job, and a home to care for.  But I didn’t have financial issues and I did have a family that supported me once they got over their initial shock.  Baby boy didn’t want to go spend time at my parents. He got very clingy but in retrospect, it was the best for both of us.  He got my attention, and I got him all to myself.  He didn’t get much from his dad.  Ex-hubby lived in the same city but was not much of a father figure.  He remarried and never put his boys first.

I didn’t have the luxury to mourn my failed relationship, I had my babies to take care of and our lives to move forward.  It was hard.  It was damn hard.  But now at 27 and 30, my boys are wonderful men.  They have a great respect for women and an appreciation for how hard being a good parent is.  I put my children first.  They didn’t ask to only have one parent and they sure didn’t deserve to suffer because their dad and I didn’t get along.   I had a very successful career, but it is my children that I am most proud of.  Baby boy is now a Sargent in the Army.  He has a family of his own and will call me for parenting advise.  I love how I can now see a continuance of my grandparents, parents and me as it transfers to my boys and their children.  mvb

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