Loss is like breathing underwater. I try and take a deep deep gulp, but it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel good. So I went to Florida to be with mid sis. My grieving brother in law (BIL) accompanied me, so I was a bit apprehensive. I wanted to be with my sister so that we could reconnect and rejoin all the stitches we need to keep us together. Adding BIL would certainly change the dynamics, make our journey to healing second in the grand scheme of things.
It turns out, that while our visit wasn’t what it could have been if it was just two sisters, I still accomplished what I needed to. I gulped in the south Florida air, basked in the warmth of the sun searing my skin and started the healing process. I have come to realize a few things…my older sister is gone. In her wake is grief and longing to have her a part of my life; the connection on the phone to family on a daily basis. But, life goes on and I will not wither without her input. As a matter of fact, forging a new relationship with mid sis is probably the most positive step I can take. I also realized that in my grief, I had pushed my immediate family to the side, not taking in their healing powers. Only gone for a few days, I missed them tremendously. My husbands quiet manner and softness is as essential to my life as the air I breath.
I fly out in a few hours. Winging my way north into a colder clime still in the throws of winter. I will leave behind my mid sis and her healing warmth, but know that I will return here to a haven that is always available to me. But home I go so I can take a deep breath of the life and love that I have and find the peace my farm has always given me.